Inked Page 14

  Fuck, the emotion chokes me. It makes me feel sick. But now I have started talking about this and I can’t stop myself. These words need to come out, I can’t hide them forever. It’s too much for me.

  “Just as it felt like we were finally starting to move on, to recover from what happened, then Jane started getting sick. I didn’t want to admit what it might be, but I think deep down, I knew even then. It was happening another time, like a terrifying vicious cycle. Only this time… well I don’t have anyone.”

  I look at Isaac to see what he’s thinking, which is when I can see it in his eyes. He’s going to be there for me, or at least he wants to be, if I will let him. He really is a lovely man, too good for this mess.

  “Are you tired?” As Isaac says this, I feel the weariness washing over me. Exhaustion hits hard. “Do you want to go to bed? Because I have a big comfy bed upstairs that you can have…”

  “Alone?” I ask with the biggest smile that I can manage. “I thought that you weren’t leaving me by myself?”

  “Oh, I can sleep in it with you, if that’s what you want. I don’t want to be in the way…”

  “I need you,” I admit. “I want you to sleep in the bed with me.”

  He takes my hand once more, his fingers lacing through mine, and takes me up the stairs. I walk heavily, my body giving up on the idea of taking me there, but with Isaac’s support I make it.

  “Wow,” I mutter. “You weren’t lying about the size of your bed. It’s massive. Bigger than my bedroom.”

  Actually, probably bigger than my whole freaking apartment, but I decide not to say that part. I have let enough out today. I keep on walking until I collapse onto the sheets, moaning in bliss. It would be impossible not to fall asleep in this bed, no matter what is going on. I can already feel myself shutting down.

  “Do you want me to undress you? Are you uncomfortable? No funny business, I promise. I just want to help.”

  I nod and allow him to peel my dress off. His fingers touch me softly as he does, I can feel love coming from him. This is nice, it isn’t just sympathy, he seems to really give a shit. It makes me feel even more for him. Only this time it doesn’t feel quite so dangerous, I don’t know if I’ll end up in trouble.

  Then once I’m undressed, Isaac takes his clothing off too, and he climbs in the bed with me. He hugs me gently, resting my body against his. My eyes flicker, as much as I want to savor the moment, I can’t. The blackness is stealing me, taking me away. I suppose this is a good thing though, because rest is what I need so I can have a clearer head tomorrow. I can face all of my issues in a smarter way.

  Thank you, I think, wishing that I could find the strength to say it aloud. Thank you, Isaac… this is why I love you. This is why I’m falling for you. This is why I never want to let you go.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Isaac

  “Where’s Lexi?” I ask Becca on the reception desk for what feels like the hundredth time. “Is she not here?”

  “Not yet, you want me to give her a call? See where she is?”

  There’s laughter in her voice, I can hear it. Almost everyone I mention Lexi to, reacts like this. The arrogant, narrow minded bitches. My father’s attitude is mirrored in them all. Just because she looks a little different to them, they think they’re so much better than she is. Well, that’s bullshit. If I told any of them the battles she faces every single day, they would change their minds. But of course, I won’t, because that would be wrong. It isn’t my place to tell anyone anything. All I can do is be there for her – my new life mantra.

  “No, that’s okay. I will try calling her again, see if I can get through. I just need my schedule.”

  “It’s all online, isn’t it? Surely, you don’t need to get hold of her that much… do you?”

  I ignore her insinuation that me and Lexi are hooking up. I don’t care if everyone knows. I’m not ashamed!

  “It’s okay, I can look it up. Just… I want to ensure that everything is okay.”

  I turn my back and walk away before I can get further into this conversation with Becca. She’s winding me up. I roll my eyes and storm back into the office and I slam the door behind me. Then I grab my cell phone out of my pocket and call Lexi. Again. She must be getting sick of seeing my name on her screen. So, why the hell isn’t she picking up? Even if it’s just to tell me to leave her alone. As long as I know why I’m being ignored, then I’ll be able to handle this.

  Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

  I tap my fingers on the desk while I wait. I already know that she won’t pick up. I think my ears just want to hear her voice in the voice mail…

  “Hello, this is Lexi Tyler, I cannot get to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number after the tone then I will get back to you, as soon as I can…”

  “Lexi, it’s Isaac again. I guess… I don’t know, maybe you’re at the hospital or something. If so, I hope that everything is alright. I just… I want to talk to you, if possible. Don’t worry that you can’t come in to work, I understand, that’s not why I’m calling. I just… I don’t know, I feel a bit stupid, I just want to speak to you.”

  As soon as I hang up the phone, I shake my head sadly. I really am an idiot. I should just let her go. Do what she needs to do and wait until she comes back. Why can’t I just be patient when it comes to Lexi?

  “Hello there, everyone.” I groan loudly as my father’s voice rings through the building. This is the last damn thing that I need today. My head is already all over the place, I can’t face him. “How are things?”

  I half consider jumping up and locking the door so he can’t come in. But knowing my dad, he’ll probably kick the door down, just to come in here and torment me. It’s would be a highlight of his day.

  “Urgh, for fuck sake.” I roll my eyes nearly to the back of my head. “Let’s do this, I guess.”

  I stand up and make my way to the door. I lean against the frame and wait for him to come to me. There’s no point in me making my way to him, I’ll just have to endure him for longer.

  “Ah, and there he is, the man of the moment.” He smiles almost serenely at me, which means that I really know it’s coming my way. “My prodigal son who has been kicking ass recently.”

  He pats me on the shoulder and stares pointedly at Lexi’s desk. His eyes light up when he sees that there isn’t anyone there. I guess he hasn’t quite let the Lexi thing go as much as I would like.

  “So, the numbers have been improving for a while. There may have been a few hiccups along the way, but we’re getting there, aren’t we? Me and you have finally become the team that I always dreamed of.”

  I don’t like the sound of his words, they’re all positive, but leading somewhere. To an unknowing onlooker, this might seem like a man really caring about his son, but I know better. This is bad, really bad.

  “It must be because that inappropriate personal assistant of yours is finally gone. I know that Charlie said you were hesitant to get rid of her because you were frightened of human resources and unfair dismissal, but it seems like you’ve come around to my way of thinking. This is seriously good news. You know, there was a time when I didn’t think that we were going to get here, so I’m so pleased that we are. It means a lot. Everything is now worth it. All the money spent on the education and the effort put into your future… we are getting there.”

  I narrow my eyes at him, temper rising. I could just let this slide. It will probably be a while until he comes back here, so I can get away with it for a bit, and since I’m really not in the mood for this shit today, I could make this meeting fast. But the need to protect Lexi overshadows my need to get this over and done with.

  “Dad, Lexi still works here. She just has a vacation day, that’s all. I wouldn’t get rid of her because she’s a big part of the reason that we’ve been doing so well. She’s the best PA that I have ever had.”

  A storm cloud crosses his face, steam practically comes out of his ears. “What
the fuck do you mean?”

  “I mean she stays. I don’t want her to go and I don’t think that you would either, if you got to know her.”

  “Even though I gave you a direct order? Despite the fact that I told you her image doesn’t fit in? This is my company, not yours, I do not want it plunged into the ground because you won’t listen.”

  “But you said yourself that everything is going well, so why shake things up?”

  He turns red. His anger vein pops at me. I get the feeling that if I piss him off anymore, it’ll explode.

  “You are such an arrogant little shit, do you know that? Disgusting. I don’t even know what to say to you. You are just the manager here, nothing more. A job that you have, because I have allowed you to be here. Certainly not because you deserve it, that’s for sure. You might be doing okay now, but I have endured years of you fucking around, screwing up your own life and threatening my business. But this…” His finger points hard at me. “This is a step too far. I told you to get rid of her and you didn’t. She cannot be here, there’s a reason for that. She doesn’t fit the company. But you keep thinking with your cock all the time.”

  “Excuse me?” I demand. “That isn’t what’s happening here. She works well here…”

  “Oh, come off it. You are a fucking idiot. You think I don’t know what’s going on? She’s exotic and a bit different. Probably a freak in the sack. I thought it too when I first saw her. But someone that you fuck, isn’t someone you bring into the office. You need to keep it separate all the time. When I saw the desk empty, I thought that you were getting a replacement. I was so damn proud of you, but now… well I don’t know what to think. You’re just continuing to be a disappointment to me. I think you always will be.”

  I’m fucking fuming, angry to the core. I might have thought more with my cock than my brain in the past, but I’m not the same person anymore. I’ve grown up, and he is refusing to see that because it doesn’t suit him. Just because he would much rather see Lexi out of here than me being happy.

  “I don’t care if I’m a disappointment to you, to be honest, Dad. It makes no difference what I do. I can’t please you, so why keep trying? Why bother at all? You obviously shouldn’t have bothered putting any time and money into me at all. You should have just left me to go waste. That would give you more material to yell…”

  We’ve developed a crowd of people who are trying their hardest to pretend like they aren’t listening. It’s utterly humiliating, but I can’t stop myself. I need to get some of the temper out. It doesn’t even make a difference that now it will no longer be just rumors, people will definitely know that me and Lexi are together… but still, that isn’t what’s important here. I need to make my father get the hell out of here.

  “Dad, this is the first time I am not thinking with my cock. I’m thinking with my brain. Lexi is staying because she’s amazing at her job, and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind about that.”

  He shakes his head hard at me, looking like I’ve destroyed a part of him. There is a bit of guilt there, but this does need to be said. My legs itch, there’s a part of me that wants to storm out of here, to finally make that leap and start on my own. Talking to Lexi about it the other day inspired me again. But at the same time, I won’t be able to do it with nothing to start with. I’ll need cash and my father will withdraw it all. Then I won’t be able to help Lexi at all. She will definitely get fired and she won’t be able to pay for Jane’s treatment.

  I’m not just thinking about myself, I’m thinking about other people, their needs over my own. If that doesn’t show how little I’m thinking with just my cock, then I don’t know what does.

  “I cannot talk to you while you’re being so unreasonable.” Dad looks his nose down at me. “This conversation is over for now, but we will revisit it when you are in a better frame of mind. When you’re ready to be rational, let me know.” His eyes flicker up and down me. “Do not destroy my company over this. Do you hear me?”

  As he storms out, doing the one thing that I wanted to do, there’s a thick tension in the air. I can almost sense everyone looking at one another, wondering what to do now. It’s awkward as fuck, but I’m about to make it a whole lot easier for them. I storm out too. They will all be gossiping all afternoon, and I don’t want to be here for that. Fuck them, let them talk, I have something else I need to do.

  It might be time to start planning my future, being something else other than the manager of my father’s marketing company. It’s time to step out from his shadows and to finally be myself. Without a plan, I have nothing, but with something written down and started, at least it’s one step in the right direction.

  A step towards a future where the apron strings are cut and I’m finally fucking free.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Lexi

  “I’ve been sick for a while now,” I tell the doctor in a trembling tone. “It’s been so bad that I haven’t been able to go to work for a week or so, and with all my family history… well, I’m worried.”

  I can’t express the depth of my worry, it’s almost crushed me completely. It’s taken every ounce of my strength to get here. I want to know, I need to know what’s wrong with me but it’s utterly terrifying at the same time. My heart races, my foot taps nervously on the floor, I don’t know how I’m managing to remain upright in this chair.

  Why is he taking such a long time to react? Why isn’t he telling me? Does he already know that I’m doomed?

  He nods and frowns, clearly worried too. This is what I’ve been dreading ever since I woke up and projectile vomited all over my room. I didn’t even have the strength to clean it up until it had gone hard and crusty. I haven’t felt like me ever since that moment and it hasn’t changed. I don’t know what the early signs were for Jane, but I keep thinking that it was like this. The disease is hereditary, and it’s made its way to me.

  “I see,” he tells me in a gravelly tone. “Well, I will run blood tests while you’re here, to see what we can tell. I’ll immediately send the blood sample to the right department, but they can take a while to come back.”

  “I will stay,” I insist. “I need to know what’s going on. I can’t put it off any longer.”

  He nods and asks a nurse to come and run all the tests for me. The nurse talks to me while he’s sticking the needle in my arm, probably trying to make sure that I don’t scream, but I haven’t got anything in me to make any noise. I’m numb, swallowed up by thoughts of being sick as well.

  I feel like I deserve this sickness more than Jane, but now when I am here, I hope that it is not the case.

  Once the nurse is done, I am sent out into the waiting room to pass the time, while I wait for the results to come back. I could read, there are plenty of books and magazines littered around, or I could look through my phone, maybe reply to some of the messages that I’ve received over the past few days – although notably, I don’t have any from Jane who still won’t let me see her – but I don’t. I just stare at the wall, looking at nothing in particular, thinking about nothing in particular, waiting like a statue.

  I probably should spend the time planning, thinking about what all of this means, guessing what I’m going to do next… but I can’t. It’s like I’m frozen in time, in limbo, until I know for sure.

  Any minute now… are the only words to circle through my head. Soon, everything will change…

  “P… pregnant?” I stammer, unable to drink that in. “What do you mean, pregnant? That isn’t…”

  I can’t say that it isn’t possible because I’m perfectly aware that it is. Me and Isaac haven’t exactly been the most careful. When we get caught up in the heat of the moment, I don’t think either of us have thought about it. That was stupid. How freaking naïve. I did biology in high school, I know what lack of a condom leads too… yet I managed to lose my head anyway. I got so wrapped up in him that everything else blurred into the background.

  Oh, but reality is back with f
ull force now! It’s got me good and it won’t let me go. How more real can it get than a baby growing in my stomach? One that’s half me and half a man that isn’t exactly known for commitment? I know that things have changed for us and it isn’t an arrangement anymore, but it isn’t serious either.

  A girl like me is a fantasy, short term, sexy fling. Not a long term, baby momma sort of deal.

  He’s wealthy, from a good family, has good prospects… and with all that stuff comes expectations. I’ve met his controlling father. I know what sort of woman he will be expected to marry, and it isn’t me. The girl covered in tattoos, with brassy red hair, and genes that don’t fit into the old money world.

  Plus, in the office when it’s just me and him, it’s one thing, but I don’t know that we have enough in common to make it work in the real world. I have been narrow minded while falling for him, consumed by my tunnel vision, but this appointment has opened my eyes wide up and forced me to see the truth.

  We don’t stand a chance. We never did, but now there is another life riding on that.

  “Fuck.” I rake my fingers through my hair. “Fucking hell.”

  “I take it this wasn’t planned then?” the doctor asks, bemused.

  “You could say that,” I reply wryly. “Certainly not expected either. This is just… so is this the reason for my sickness?”

  “Pregnancy is the only thing that has been making you sick, yes.”

  This is good news… but also terrifying. I don’t know what to do. Instead of being on the brink of death myself, I’m about to bring a life into this world. That’s absolutely crazy.