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  I wondered if I would meet someone and want what my friends had. Everything was so casual with the women that I dated, and I never felt that connection and the years flew by before I found myself as the caretaker of a young girl that needed me more. I didn’t even think about dating for the first couple of years once she moved in with me, too focused on making sure she was okay. I got her a grief counselor, a membership to the best gym when she expressed interest in that, and instruments and technology as she expressed interest in anything. I had money, and I could give her any material thing that she needed. It was all that I knew how to do and what I’d done all along.

  Now that she was going to be graduating soon, I wanted to do something special for Caroline. I was going to take her to dinner somewhere around the ceremony, but I needed to go bigger. She made me so proud, and I knew that her parents were watching from above. I know that they’d do something special for Caroline and I wanted her to feel as important as she was to all of us.

  I’d start tonight by making her favorite dinner. She loved it, and I wanted to make her happy. I’d figure something else out for the rest.

  Chapter Three

  Caroline

  I got through the test and felt good about it, driving home yawning with every intention of taking a nap. I knew that I was focusing too much on my feelings for Perry and longed to just let them go. That was difficult, given what he’d come to mean to me over the last several years. He was one of the best uncles for the first thirteen years of my life, always doting on me and taking me out to ice cream or the movies. He went to any game that I played in my early years, rooting me on from the stands as I grinned and looked over several times at him and my parents. It was the greatest childhood a girl could ask for, and I felt lost when it ended so abruptly.

  I knew that Perry was the only person that could take any kind of care of me. My family was distant from my parents, so why would they want me? How would I know that they loved me the way that he did, and not the money left to me by my parents? They saw that I’d be okay in life, at least financially as well as surrounded by love when they left me in the care of Perry. There was no better place for me even if he was a bit awkward about it in the beginning.

  Looking back as I parked my car, I had a lot of happy memories here. He gave me everything that he could and made sure that I was set in life. Perry did the best that he could, and I loved him for it.

  I just loved him in the wrong way.

  I pulled off my jeans and sweater, dropping on my bed as I took a slow breath. I shoved one leg under my rumpled sheets and closed my eyes as my body heated up. I had been overwhelmed with thoughts of Perry all day and my hand slipped between my legs, needing the release. I imagined him as I worked my clit, having saved some of the best images over the years in my mind. Perry was sexy in all states, but when we spent time in the pool in the summer, it took all my self-control not to get myself off right there, not to mention attack him. He went to the gym regularly and looked amazing. He was proud of his body, almost to a fault and had no issues showing it off. I wanted him to notice me in the bathing suits that got smaller when my courage grew, but he never seemed to. Perry would just tell me not to wear them out in public with that familiar protective tone in his voice.

  I wanted to go down naked to make him see what I was feeling.

  We worked out at the same gym as well as our home one, and I’d sneak peeks as he lifted weights and worked out every part of his masculine form. Perry wasn’t going for the build of a bodybuilder as much as he had toned muscles and lean planes in his body. He just wanted to keep up with his busy life and be as healthy as possible. I knew deep down that a lot of that had to do with me and was based on some belief that he couldn’t leave me as well. That made me sometimes cry because I couldn’t imagine life without him. I was twenty-one and had all the money that I needed to live as an adult, but I needed Perry. It twisted my insides when I thought about that and how much I wanted him. It wasn’t right, at all. I wanted to push all the desire and emotion away, but it had grown steadily after living here with him. It was powerful and real to me, and I struggled inside as a human being, as a woman.

  I came to the image of him sweaty as he lifted some weights, every muscle in his back taut. I held in my cries, never knowing if he was close in this big house. I wanted to scream his name and give Perry credit for what he did to me. Not here, though. I rocked against my hand, prolonging the pleasure until I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I dropped back onto my pile of pillows and gave in to my exhaustion.

  I must have slept hard because I woke up to the sound of Perry’s voice, turning my head to see him looking at me with shocked eyes. “Huh?”

  “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” he stammered before leaving my room and pulling the door closed. I glanced down and saw that I was dressed only in a tank top, bra and a pair of panties that were askew from my earlier activity. I was barely covered with my sheet, running hot on a regular basis, and always kicking blankets off to begin with. There was a part of me that was admittedly ashamed that he’d seen me in such a state. There was another deeper part of me, a carnal part that loved the way that he was looking at me. It was a part of me that wanted to do it again, to break him down so that he wanted me as much as I did him. I knew there was something in his gaze that told me that he did, even if it was a part of him that he was denying.

  I hopped out of bed and changed into some leggings in the bathroom after I freshened up. I could still smell the lingering scent in my bedroom of my masturbation, and I suspected that he could as well. I pulled a longer t-shirt over the pants, wearing only a camisole underneath with no underwear under the leggings. It wasn’t the first time I’d done this. It was my home, and I deserved to be comfortable.

  I headed downstairs to see him in the kitchen with platters of chicken and vegetables on the counter, smelling delicious. I walked over to get plates and glasses, taking them to the table automatically as I took in the majestic view with a smile. Perry followed with one of the platters, and I grabbed the other before I took my seat at the end of the table and Perry at the other. It wasn’t a big table at all, meant for the two of us when we didn’t have guests, but there was room to sit beside one another. He chose not to do that, and I took the bottle of wine that he’d opened for us and poured a glass, something that he typically did. I sipped as I watched him load up his plate without eye contact and longed for the closeness that I was accustomed to.

  Where was the balance that I craved? Where was the relationship that I wanted with him so badly?

  Perry seemed to relax as we ate, asking me about my tests as he seemed to grow more comfortable with me as the moments passed. I admitted that I was certain I scored a good grade, as I often did and he seemed pleased as he asked me what my plans were after graduation.

  My degree was in graphic design so I had a lot of places I could live while doing that. I also minored in Journalism, since that style of writing always fascinated me as well. I felt that it gave me a lot of options when I chose it, even though I wanted to be here with Perry for the rest of my life.

  “I’m not sure. I suppose I’ll find a job and learn how to be a real adult,” I answered lightly as he frowned. “I could work anywhere, actually. I have the internships with the best firms in the area as experience, right?”

  “You can do whatever you dream, Caroline. Anything.” Perry smiled at me, and I forced one back. “Taking those internships that last years of college were smart on your part. You have experience in both of your fields, and you could work at a firm doing design while you did some freelance writing, if you chose to. Though I don’t want you to work too hard,” he added as something crossed his face.

  “Like you do?” I teased him as our gazes locked for a moment.

  “Exactly like me. I used work to cope when we lost your parents, and I think I could have made better use of my time. I feel like I ran away from it,” he said in a rare moment of honesty.

  “W
e both did the best that we could with what we had. I love you for all that you did for me, gave me…it was perfect and what they would have wanted. Dad worked a lot too, and Mom was always taking on a writing project that pushed her limits. It’s in my blood to work hard, I think.” I wiped the tear that slid down my cheek as I kept my eyes on his face, feeling vulnerable in this moment. I wanted to tell him that I loved him in ways that were wrong but they felt so right. I wanted to say that I wanted to be the woman that took care of him and made him happy in every way. “Perry…I could never express my gratitude to you properly.” Though I could, in his bed or mine. I wanted to learn every inch of his sinful body and what made him come the hardest, thoughts that warmed my face as I took another gulp of my wine.

  “You do every day, Caroline. I love you, too.” He told me as I stared past him at the window to clear my mind of the carnal thoughts that were filling it. Did he?

  We cleaned up together as we always did, though I found myself playing back our conversation. I’d tried a few tactics in the past to test Perry’s feelings for me, with Colton being one of the bolder ones. He was the bad boy at school, and every girl wanted him. I had to admit that there was something sexy about him though I was just using him as a decoy to make Perry jealous. Colton came over for dinner a few times, and we went out for a couple of months once I sank my claws into him. He wasn’t a deeply intelligent guy, but he could hold a conversation with my guardian, even though I listened to Perry speak more than my own boyfriend. How sick was that?

  Colton was used to women giving into his needs and slowly started to pressure me to sleep with him. I assumed that he was a good kisser, though I always went back to wondering what Perry’s mouth tasted like when we were together in those moments. I knew deep down that I couldn’t give Colton what he wanted and once Perry seemed to express that he was merely concerned with my getting hurt in the relationship, I quietly ended things. Colton moved on quickly, and I didn’t care. I was never interested in him, and I tried with other guys since that is what friends seemed to be doing in their lives.

  I found myself paying attention to what Perry did as a reaction to all my attempts. Jealousy was a game played well by teenage girls from what I could see, but he didn’t seem to respond like the guys my friends liked in school. Perry was strict in his reactions, never letting on that he knew what I was up to, just looking on as he warned me about what assholes guys could be.

  It was just what Dad would have told me, but Perry wasn’t my father. He was the center of my being. This was so very complicated.

  Chapter Four

  Perry

  I played back the image of Caroline on her bed that day, sleeping soundly with her hand draped over her thigh. She wasn’t naked, but I saw her curves and pale skin more than I needed to, stirring something inside of me. She was beautiful, just like her mother. I knew from the scent in the air and the way her lace panties were twisted just a bit that she was making herself come at some point that day, something that I wanted to deny but couldn’t. Caroline was my niece though not by blood, and I wanted to see her as an innocent girl, not someone that felt lust and desire the same way that I did.

  I loved to watch a woman make herself come. It was that way in person with a close intimate partner as well as a choice in viewing porn, and the idea made me hard as I stepped into the shower. Did Caroline do that for a man, perhaps that punk ass kid from high school? Did he know what she sounded like when she came on her hand or even wrapped tightly around his cock? Fuck…I reached down and stroked myself under the hot water as guilt flooded me. “I’m sorry, Brandon,” I whispered as I gripped tighter and closed my eyes. “She’s so fucking beautiful.”

  I wondered how she did it as I moved my hand hard and fast. Was she a clit girl or did she fuck herself with her fingers? Oh, fuck. I jerked and sprayed the wall with my release, taking deep breaths as I gasped her name. This was wrong, so fucking wrong. I felt the waves of pleasure continue as I reminded myself that she was my niece and that I was her guardian. I was here to care for Caroline and send her into the world as a strong woman, not to fuck her. God, I wanted to right now. I finished in the shower and cleaned up, drying off as I looked myself in the mirror.

  I went back to when she was a baby, sweet and full of laughter. I was young then, fucking women left and right as I watched my friends fall deeper in love even though they were so close to my age. Could I find that?

  I spent more time with Caroline as she grew, loving her intelligence and wit. Even as I kept sleeping around town, I never found a woman my age that I respected as much. I started to believe that my standards were too high, even though I lowered them when Caroline was living with me and I thought that she needed a woman in her life.

  They always seemed to like her as a person, though not our relationship. They were jealous of all that I did for Caroline, wanting the attention for themselves. She came first as if she was my own daughter.

  She wasn’t though, something I knew as she approached her late teens. Caroline was beautiful, and her level of maturity only made her glow more. She had a lot to offer a man, and now it hit me that she knew that. I dressed in shorts to go downstairs for some water. The house was a three-level home with a lot of space. Caroline had the floor just below me with her big room and bathroom, and I had a room in a similar size. There were three guest bedrooms on the first floor as well as a large gym and office for me. I had a lot of money, but I wasn’t the kind of man to be cocky about that. I built my house with my needs in mind, not adding garish things such as bowling alleys and theaters. I could go out and do both of those if I chose to, allowing myself a ninety-inch TV in my sunken living room to enjoy movies and television on. That was enough since I had little time for more than catching the scores of the day.

  I liked seeing Caroline watch movies in there, the fire going as she snuggled under one of the many blankets. I was an admitted bachelor before she moved in and Caroline made me add some softer touches to my home. She spent a lot of time in that room; studying, reading, or watching television even though I expected her to spend a lot of time in her bedroom. It was generously sized and overlooked the forest below us, something that I loved in my own room. Caroline preferred being downstairs, maybe feeling like she wasn’t alone or something along those lines. I spent more time in there when she came to live with me, working on my laptop a lot with the background noise of whatever show was on the set.

  It felt like a family, something that I never would have asked for the way that I received it. I was torn between my grief and the fact that I liked her being here with me.

  Now, I’d just jerked off to Caroline in my shower. What kind of monster was I?

  I pulled a shirt over my torso, something that wasn’t typical of me. I preferred comfort, and I always thought that I kept that at an acceptable level with Caroline before now.

  I swallowed thickly when I saw her sitting at the table dressed in those damn leggings and a more fitted t-shirt, reading a book. I knew that she went to school later today since it was Thursday and I walked over to pour some coffee. I planned to work from home today but considered changing my mind with her home. I couldn’t allow this to take me over. This was my house, and I had the control to handle this situation, looking at her as she tucked a curl slowly behind her ear before glancing at me. “Good morning.” The look in her eyes made me wonder if she knew what I’d done before I pushed the absurd idea out of my mind. It wasn’t possible.

  “Morning. Sleep well?” I asked as she smiled slowly and nodded.

  “Yes, very well.” She looked into my eyes. “How about you?”

  “Great.” My answer was clipped, and she frowned before she looked down at her book again. Shit. I needed to get control of myself. “I might go into the office for a bit. Do you need anything while I’m out?”

  “No, thank you.” Caroline didn’t look at me as she spoke and I walked over to her slowly. I kissed her hair, wishing it was innocent as I walked away to dress for
the office.

  I had pulled on slacks and a button up shirt before I walked out to my black Yukon to drive into the city. I resented myself for needing to leave my paradise as well as Caroline. Hell, I even resented Brandon and Mila for a fleeting moment as I pulled onto the two-lane road to head to the freeway.

  Work had always been my escape, and now I found myself giving into that all over again.

  I walked into the building and sat at my desk as I turned on my computer, well-aware that my assistant poked her head in to stare at me. She knew that I tried to force myself not to work my life way, being an employee for ten years now as well as a friend. There was never anything more even though she was thirty-one and closer to my age as well as attractive. She even had the intelligence that I appreciated, but I was never attracted to the petite raven haired woman that was married for a year now. I expected her to be pregnant anytime, something I thought would suit her well. “What are you avoiding today?”

  “Nothing, Stella. I just wanted to get some work done,” I replied as I gave her a smile.

  “You live in the most beautiful place in this state, and you can’t work there? What gives?”

  “I come in on Thursday sometimes. I come in on the weekends sometimes,” I defended myself as her dark brown eyes narrowed in a sharp gaze. Damn it, she knew me well having seen me go through some less complicated relationships. “How’s Michael?”

  “The best hubby in the world,” she gushed as I grinned. “That’s not getting you off the hook, though, Perry. You’ll talk one of these days.” She was right in that I probably would. Stella knew Caroline well and liked her a lot, though I wasn’t sure if she’d change her opinion of me after the conversation. Her husband was my age, and they got on well, though that was quite a difference from the age gap that I shared with Caroline. Stella cracked my door, and I looked over the city as I collected my thoughts.