Protecting Her: A Romance Bundle Read online

  “I know I probably have a lot to tell you,” he comments as we walk up the stairs. “But you’ve got things to share with me too. Haven’t you, Ronnie?”

  The name that I’ve become so used to sounds foreign on his lips. I almost don’t like it. I suppose it’s time now to try and mesh my two lives, if only for a short while.

  14

  Jordan

  My internal debate about what I want to do next rolls into the next few weeks. I do a lot of work at the nearby base to help out with the paper work and training, and it leaves me questioning a lot. Maybe I should change my focus and get into something that’s still with the forces but keeps me nearby. Being with Veronica so much has reminded me how much better life is with her. I don’t want to be in another country again. I might not be able to make a straight forward switch, but it’s certainly something I wish to begin exploring. I think it’ll be better for both of us. Coming back here and remembering that life moves on without me is a real lesson.

  I let out a huff as I walk back into an empty home once more. That’s the only downside to being in the office. I seem to be back home early more often than Veronica is. I suppose she’s had to keep herself busy while I’ve been away, and she doesn’t want to sacrifice the amazing career that she’s built up now, but still, I miss her.

  I wander almost aimlessly into the living room and I flick the television on. The news is playing, so I sit down to watch, just to see if I get a glimpse of her. I don’t know what she’s reporting on today, but she’s constantly on the move, recording these segments, so there has to be something. I really need to see her face.

  My patience is soon rewarded as a report on a local bakery which has broken a world record comes to life. I suck in a deep breath, almost stunned as I see the ever professional ‘Ronnie’. It’s so strange to see her that way, she isn’t the woman I know, the one I love, the person I spend time with at home. I can’t imagine Ronnie ever laughing hysterically until she nearly pees herself, dancing like a fool in the kitchen to cheer me up when I’ve had a bad day or singing out of tune in the shower. That’s Veronica, that’s the woman that I love. This Ronnie is a character, and while I’m proud of everything that she’s achieved, I don’t know how much I like it. I don’t know how much I like her, she’s a stranger to me. From the way that she dresses, to how she acts. Even the posh way she speaks isn’t the woman I love. Her voice is all stilted, not soft and lilting like normal. It isn’t my Rusty.

  I watch for a short while before flicking the television to black once more. There’s no point in watching Ronnie when I don’t really connect with her. I can admire her, but she doesn’t bond with me in any way. I might as well head into the shower instead. At least in there, I suppose I can have some more thinking time.

  While the hot jets of water race over my back, unlocking my muscles a little, I think about heading back out there, straight into the war zone. Immediately, I stiffen up everywhere, the tension absolutely floods me. There’s even an ice-cold block of ice in the pit of my stomach as all the air squeezes out of my lungs, leaving me breathless. It isn’t a good sensation. If I think about being there, it makes me ill. I’m panicky, dizzy, I might even collapse because I feel so rough. I’m drowning, sinking under the water of stress, and it doesn’t matter how hard I kick I can’t regain control. The idea of being back in Afghanistan really isn’t a nice one. I don’t like to admit it, certainly not aloud, but I’m scared I won’t make it again. I was so damn lucky the first time, I didn’t even have that bad a time there, considering. I knew it while I was out there, but it didn’t become fully clear until I got back home. So many people I found myself in basic training with didn’t come out the other side, they all suffered injuries and deaths, which I don’t want to be me. The reality that I could lose a limb or even my head is all too real. I don’t want to die, not just for me but because it’ll destroy Veronica too. I couldn’t imagine finding love with anyone else, and I don’t imagine she can either. If I die, she’ll be left alone forever. I don’t want that.

  No, I don’t think I want to go back. I think I want to remain here doing what I can from this end. It might not seem like the bravest choice ever made, but it’s the right one for me. I’m no good out there, leading men when I’m in such a mess myself. It isn’t helpful to anyone. What I need to do is find a new position, sort it out at work, then I can come to Veronica with the good news. I don’t want to get her hopes up in case it doesn’t work out like I want it to. Just because this is my choice, doesn’t mean it’ll happen. I still have to follow orders. If I’m commanded to head right back into the war zone, then so be it. My life isn’t fully my own. Being a part of the military means giving yourself over completely, even if you don’t always want to. I made that vow.

  I do feel a bit lighter when I jump out of the shower though. I’ve been indecisive for far too long, at least I now know what I want. Or more, what I don’t want. That’s something to start with. I feel good knowing where my heart lies, so much so that I actually find myself humming to myself as I head to the bedroom to get some clothes on. I grab a baggy tee shirt and some shorts, before running the towel through my hair. Then I head back to the living room to wait for Veronica there. I hope she won’t be too much longer now, I can’t wait to see her…

  Almost as if I’ve conjured her up just by thinking of her, I hear the front door swinging open. Glee fills me at first, until I hear another voice with her. I don’t want to be a dick, but I do wish it could be just me and her tonight. I guess I’m needy at the moment, I’m addicted to having Veronica all to myself.

  “Oh, you’re here!” She does sound genuinely pleased to see me. “I don’t know if you’ve met Christopher before, have you? He’s the camera man I work with a lot. Actually, we can tell you the news together.”

  I shake Christopher’s hand slowly while giving him a suspicious look. The reality is he’s been around for Veronica so much more than me recently, and that leaves me questioning him a bit. I’m sure he’s just a colleague, albeit it a handsome, rugged, blond haired surfer dude type, but the looks he keeps darting at Veronica have me concerned. She might not be able to see it as clearly as I can, but I think he might be into her.

  “Hi, Christopher.” My gruff, primal side comes out. “I’m Jordan, nice to meet you.”

  I can’t help it; my chest puffs out and I act like a buffoon. If either Christopher or Veronica notice it, they don’t comment, they take their seats with excitable shining eyes and continue to talk.

  “So, we’ve just been signed up for a new and very exciting project, and we’ve come here to discuss it a bit. You don’t mind that, do you, Jordan?” I shake my head, dumb struck. “Okay, good. You aren’t going to believe it.” Veronica pauses, as if for dramatic effect. “We’re going to be stationed in the middle of Afghanistan. So, once you’re sent back there, we won’t be far away from one another. I mean, I know I probably won’t be able to see you much, I know that you have to keep your location all really private and everything…”

  “A… Afghanistan?” I shoot back, my voice shaking with nerves. “Are you serious?”

  Just as I decide to leave to spend more time with her she makes the ridiculous choice to go there? Right into the middle of hell? Directly into the war zone… I mean, who the hell would want that? I’m the one all concerned with leaving her to put myself at risk again, and she’s quite happy to throw herself right into it? No way!

  “Yes. The station wants to be there for it because, well, that’s the best way to report the news, isn’t it?”

  “Ronnie was so lucky to be chosen!” Christopher jumps in, imping up my anger. How dare he have an opinion on this? Who the fuck does he think he is? “There were many options, but Oliver wanted her…”

  “You cannot go to Afghanistan,” I jump in, ignoring this man who I don’t know at all. His words mean absolutely nothing to me. As my cheeks flame and burn with anger, I just want him gone. “That’s crazy. I don’t think you have any i
dea what you’re letting yourself in for, you wouldn’t want to go if you did.”

  Veronica looks taken aback, as if my anger is shocking to her. “Please, don’t talk to me like that in front of Christopher, especially not when I’m telling you something that I’m very proud of. It isn’t right.”

  I’m sick of Christopher being here, he’s winding me up just by showing off his presence. The fact that he actually wants to go on this trip into hell with my woman only proves that he’s up to something. If this is some plot to steal her from right under my nose then I might just thump him in his.

  “Christopher, will you just go already?” I indicate towards the door. “You can clearly see this is a conversation that me and Veronica need to have alone. It would be so much better if you could just get out of here.”

  “We’re here to plan!” Veronica snaps, the tips of her ears turning bright red with rage. “We haven’t come here to be berated by you. So, it’s alright for you to go wherever works sends you, but not me?”

  “You don’t have to go to a war zone, I do if commanded to.” I clutch my hands to my chest as my heart aches. “I’m saying all of this because I care about you and I don’t want you to end up hurt.”

  It was a bad enough thought that I might end up hurt, but Veronica… no way I can hack that!

  “Again, so you can put yourself in danger and not me? Why? Because your job is so much more important? If I do this, I can report the real story, I can control what’s being said. I’ll have power. Does that not matter?”

  I’m all too aware of Christopher still in our living room, which is something that I need to with first. “Please,” I say to him, trying to keep my tone as controlled as possible. “Get out. I really need you to go.”

  This time, there isn’t any point in arguing, so he gathers up his things to leave. Veronica takes him to the front door, apologizing profusely into his ear as she goes. I fold my arms across my chest and wait for her to come back because I’m pretty sure that we’re going to have a massive blow out when she does. I can’t help it, it really does feel like she’s doing this just to wind me up. She has to be, there’s no way she can want this.

  Well, either way, it isn’t going to happen. I’m not a controlling person, but I won’t let her go to that awful place. Even the idea of her in Afghanistan makes me shudder violently. I will make her see my point of view, no matter what.

  15

  Veronica

  I feel sick, this is terrible, it’s almost completely unfixable. I stare to the other side of the bed to look at the man fitfully sleeping there, probably having nightmares about how terrible the last few days have been. We’ve done nothing but argue, it’s been a constant never-ending round of yelling which rackets through my brain. Neither of us can seem to see the other person’s point of view and it truly is sad. I’m gutted that he won’t listen to me, it actually hurts. He’s been nothing but rude to Christopher as well which irritates me. That’s a man who’s supporting my decision to go to where I need to be in the world, he’s excited for this career progression, he gets it. I also don’t think it’s good for him to knock down someone who’s been my friend. It isn’t right.

  If I’m totally honest with myself, I can see why Jordan might not be keen for me to go somewhere that he deems as dangerous. He hasn’t told me too much about his time in Afghanistan but I know he didn’t love it. I wouldn’t expect him to, I could have told him that much if he had included me in his decision in the first place. But he hadn’t, so why should I? That’s what I don’t get. I’m telling him right out what I intend to do and getting no respect in return. Even with all the safety protocols in place, he doesn’t want to hear it. It’s nuts. All I want to do is shake him, to wake him up, to talk to him about this in a calm and considered manner, but I know that won’t happen. We’ve become like strangers, tiptoeing on egg shells around one another, trying desperately not to make each other explode. Frustrated tears prick my eyes as I think about how agonizing my relationship is.

  I don’t want this to be the thing that destroys us, but I have to do it. I’ve grown my career, progressed as a journalist, and this is just the next step in that. I’m not throwing myself onto a bomb, I’m reporting the news in a professional, safe way. It’s going to be absolutely fine. Plus, we’ll be in the same country! That has to mean something to him. Unless he doesn’t understand that because he isn’t the one who’s been lonely.

  All those months spent wandering around this big empty house alone, aside from my weekends with Rachel, no I don’t want to do it anymore. Going to Afghanistan is the first big trip I’ll get to take and it’ll lead to lots more. I’ll be able to go anywhere in the world. I shouldn’t expect to start with an easy topic.

  But since Jordan won’t listen to any of those reasons, I can’t exactly explain them to him. Each time I try to bring it up he just yells over me until I can’t hear myself think anymore. He’s utterly determined that I’m going to come around to his way of thinking. The more he yells though, the more I know this is what I need to do. He doesn’t have to understand it for it to be the right thing for me. I’m doing it anyway, and that’s that.

  I slide out of the bed, trying to escape without disturbing Jordan, but I don’t quite make it. He bolts upright, shooting into a sitting position as if he thinks he’s still in the middle of a war zone, groaning loudly.

  “What’s going on?” he grumbles. “Huh? What? What’s… where am I?”

  His eyes fall on my face and I see his expression soften. For just a moment, I get a glimpse of the man I was with before all of this happened. I think I might even see some love there. Whatever he’s just woken up from it gives me a glimmer of hope. Maybe today will be the day we can actually talk about things properly. It has to happen soon, I mean I’m leaving soon, I’ll be on a plane all the way to Afghanistan. Nothing can be done then. I don’t want to leave with our relationship all up in the air. That’ll be awful, it might break us up.

  “Hi,” I say quietly, feeling weirdly shy around it. “How are you feeling today”?

  He parts his lips, almost as if he’s going to respond positively, but then he very quickly shuts back down again. I can almost see the moment that his brain switches back on and he recalls that he’s mad at me. The walls fly back up, anger crosses his expression, and he pulls the covers back up to his chin once more.

  “Hmm, fine,” he snaps back, a tone filled with rage. “Just annoyed that I’m losing you, that’s all.”

  I roll my eyes, allowing one single tear to stream down my cheek. “Please, don’t get into this again…”

  “Why?” His eyes flash with pain. The agony in his gaze makes me feel bad, until the nest words come from his mouth. “Because you’re still going to go to Afghanistan even though I’ve told you not to?”

  “You’ve told me?” I gasp out, unable to believe what I’m hearing. “You’ve told me, like you’re in control.”

  “Oh, don’t throw the control card at me like that’s really how you feel. You know why I don’t want you to go, because it’s dangerous. I’m just trying to keep the both of us alive here. Can’t you understand that?”

  “Us? Both of us? Like you aren’t going back yourself. You seem to forget that you went in the first place without discussing it with me first. I don’t see how I’m worse because I told you about it.”

  “I gave you two years to get used to the idea. You haven’t even given me two weeks.”

  “This has got nothing to do with that.” Anger bubbles and bursts in my stomach, I can hardly keep it inside. “You don’t want me to go because you don’t think I can handle it. You probably don’t think I can hack any of this. It’s like you don’t respect how far I’ve come in my career at all. It’s an honour to be asked.”

  “I know you can handle it, Ronnie.” He says my work name like it’s something to be mocked. I think it disgusts him which is a shame because I’m proud of how far I’ve come. It irritates me that my boyfriend, the one person w
ho’s supposed to support me, doesn’t seem to care. “I see what you can do, but none of it’s you. You’re playing a character. We both know it. The sooner we both accept that, the better.

  “A character?” His words sicken me. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have not been here.” A nasty bitter taste swirls in my stomach, I can’t decide if my main emotion is hurt or rage. I guess it’s a terrible mixture of both. “Talk about playing a character, you are nothing like the man I first met.”

  He reels at my words, recoiling under the weight of them. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I mean, he was supportive. He cared about me. He wanted me to do well in life. You…” I wave my hands up and down his body. “You don’t seem to care about what I want at all. You don’t even listen to me.”

  He climbs out of the bed and looms above me. I stare up at him, fixing my eyes on his while I wait to see which way this is going to tip. My hands place firmly on my hips while his reaction takes place.

  “If that’s honestly what you think, then so be it. It means you obviously don’t know anything about me at all. That changes everything about our relationship. It suggests that we didn’t ever have anything in the first place.”

  I’m so stunned by his words that I don’t know how to react. Internally, I’m freaking out, wondering if this means he genuinely doesn’t want to be with me anymore, but I can’t get the words out. They’re stuck in my throat, mostly because my brain doesn’t really want to know the dreaded answer. I’m scared to hear it.

  I turn slowly to watch him leave, wishing I could grab onto him, to beg him to just talk to me, but shouting is all we do anymore. I know he won’t listen, so why start it up again just as it’s going to end? Plus, I really do have to get to work in a moment. Since me and Christopher have to do all our planning at the office, I need to get there today. We have the last-minute arrangements to get through, so I can’t back out now.